X-Obsessed

I, unfortunately, am not going to be able to continue my X-Men obsession here. I’ve been slammed with a couple of huge freelance writing projects, and between those and caring for my one year old, I’m not going to be able to give my blogs on Today.com the time they deserve.

I’ve had a lot of fun, and I hope I can find time in the future to pick up where I left off.

Thanks for the support!

Issue Summary: Two X-Men I have never seen before are robbing a bank and smoking cigars. Since Wolverine hasn’t entered the scene yet, I’m going to assume that these guys are not really X-Men.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion with the real X-Men, Scott Summers has written a Dear John letter and sets out to find a doctor to cure his eyesight. The others are hanging out in the library and watching TV, completely oblivious to Mr. Whineybutt. Suddenly, the news broadcasts the bank robbery, whipping the X-Men into a frenzy. Xavier stops his work on his new, higher tech Cerebro to figure out who the robbers are.  They figure out that the masked men are really Unus and the Blob in disguise. OMG I was right! I totally did not see that coming!

Xavier is quite certain that someone masterminded these two to work together, but he cannot mentally scan who it is. This is when they all notice that Scott is missing, and Bobby finds his runaway letter. Xavier says rather all-knowingly that he “suspected as much.” Well sheesh, if you suspected as much, as a teacher, shouldn’t you have tried to talk to him about it? FAIL. While Jean secretly mourns that she will never see him again, Xavier orders them to go get changed while he builds a “mechanical memory-inducer” to uncover this foe.

Fortunately, we do not have to wait. As the cover insinuates, the mastermind is Lucifer, who telepathically brought Unus and Blob together and got them thinking about framing the X-Men for a robbery.

Speaking of the robbery, Scott happens to come across the aftermath of it and decides to get into his X-Men costume to stop them since the public was fooled into thinking these clowns are indeed X-Men. However, Blob and Unus play along with Cyclops and get the crowd to think that he’s really in on the robbery and is just pretending to fight them. The antics anger the mob, and they try to rush Cyclops, who flees before they really get a chance. The rest of the X-Men show up and try to fight the impostors. Beast even brings his amplifier ray that thwarted Unus before, but it has no effect on him. Cyclops blasts a hole through the street that sends Unus and Blob into a subway tunnel below, but this gives them just enough time to flee the still-angry mob.

Xavier has mentally found Lucifer, which makes Lucifer very, very happy. He wanted Xavier to find him, because once Xavier did, Lucifer would know where he was and then he could launch a mental attack of his own. A large ray gun emerges from the earth and blasts Xavier into a catatonic state. Xavier is just strong enough to telepathically ask Marvel Girl to put on a “mental-wave amplifier,” which looks like a headband a doctor would wear with a matching stethoscope. Now that she can “hear” him in his weak state, it’s story time, as it always is when things are heating up.

This story is about the first time Xavier met Lucifer and consequently lost the use of his legs. He was touring Tibet and came across a walled up city filled with people affected by another’s mental dominance. Xavier learned that not all were affected and he allied himself with those people to form a resistance to overthrow the city’s Master. The Master is of course, Lucifer, who is there under orders of his Supreme One for world domination; you know, the usual things. The Supreme One tells Lucifer to not fight against the resistance, but to go to “Sector B” for the next step of their plan. Xavier confronts him before he can leave, and Lucifer responds by crushing his legs with a giant stone slab.

Xavier tells Marvel Girl that this is the real reason why he formed the X-Men, to finish off Lucifer some day. Right at that moment, Lucifer is talking to the Supreme One about his complete preparations for sending Dominus to Earth. The Supreme One heartily agrees.

When the X-Men return, Marvel Girl tells them that Xavier has been paralyzed by Lucifer. Beast starts working on a distorter to help Xavier continue to telepathically communicate with him, and the device looks like a giant fishbowl or something that Mr. Freeze would wear. Xavier can now move and speak, so he starts making arrangements for them to fly out to stop Lucifer.

Additional Commentary: In one of the last few panels, right after Beast’s mental distorter revives Xavier, Jean makes a comment that she’s happy to remove the mental-amplifier from her head. Right then, Cyclops snaps at her to be quiet because Lucifer is stronger than he was before. I do not understand the flow here at all. What does her wearing the amplifier have anything to do with Lucifer’s growing strength? Is it because she said, “Anything’s better than…”? If that’s so, then touchy touchy. And if his plan was to make her hate him so it would be easier for him to leave again, he was a rousing success. Jean is now convinced that Scott never cared about her because he snapped at her once. I’m sorry Jean, but if you think that someone who loves you will never snap at you, you’re in for a sharp and painful epiphany. I hope I’m there to see it, because I doubt this was it.

By the way kids, the beginning of this issue is proof that smoking equates with evil. You saw Unus and Blob smoking while robbing a bank. Obviously they never would have been smoking if they weren’t robbing a bank. Therefore, only evil people smoke. You don’t want to be evil, do you?

Every Friday I randomly flip open the X-Men issue or anthology I am currently reading and share a random panel from the page. The key word is random. And fun!

“You were the cause of that?” - Sub-Mariner

“Yes, but I did not mean it! Sometimes my hex power gets out of hand! I am the Scarlet Witch…and this my brother, Quicksilver!” - Scarlet Witch

“I still do not trust him, Wanda!” - Quicksilver

“So that’s the famous Sub-Mariner! He’s just a man in swimming trunks! What a disappointment!” - Mastermind

“See the wings on his feet! How small they are! Of what use can they be?” - Toad

“Fools! His strength is that of a hundred humans!! He has no need of costume, or weapons! With such an ally beside me, I could conquer the world!” - Magneto

– Uncanny X-Men #6, “Sub-Mariner Joins the Evil Mutants!”

The Brotherhood really likes to use exclamation points in normal, everyday speech.  Magneto even has to show his superiority and leadership role by using TWO exclamation points.  I also like how quick Quicksilver is to announce, loudly at that, his distrust of Sub-Mariner. He even calls his sister a liar in front of him, as she already introduced herself as Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver has to go and reveal her name is Wanda.

Issue Summary: The X-Men are back in the full swing of things and enduring one of Cyclops’ grueling practice sessions. Xavier is so proud of their work that he’s going to give them… ANOTHER VACATION! Once again, Scott debates whether to ask Jean out on a date, and Warren Worthington the Third even offers to double to prod him along, but once again, Scott won’t do it because of the terrible power behind his eyes. Bobby and Hank have no problems double-dating even though Hank’s date is a blind one. They meet up with their dates at a library and Hank starts a debate with a librarian without knowing she’s his date. When he does find out, their exchange made me laugh out loud.

Vera - “Do you always blush that way, Mr. McCoy?”

Hank - “It’s the only way I know how!”

Thank you Hank, I’m going to have to add that to my lexicon.

After Hank finishes blushing, the four wander outside to start their date and they run into a guy, Calvin Rankin, who thinks Vera is his girlfriend. Either he can’t read the memo or didn’t read the memo or doesn’t want to read the memo, but he’s convinced she’s his woman. He takes a swing at Hank, declaring that he is going to knock him “clear back to Squaresville,” (something else I’m going to add to my lexicon) but Hank easily dodges the punch. When Hank fires one back, Calvin just as easily dodges. Hank resists showing his powers while unmasked, so Calvin does knock him back to Squaresville and then climbs up a wall with his bare feet when an angry mob chases him down, calling him a “mutie.”

When Calvin gets away, he discovers that he can do more than just acrobatics; he can also make his own slushies! But he doesn’t get too comfortable with it. As soon as Bobby and Hank are out of range, his new powers disappear. As he mopes away, he runs into Jean Grey and develops a new power of telekinesis. He realizes then that he’s been around X-Men all day, so he follows her back to the mansion.

Bobby and Hank are already there, tattle-taling to Xavier about this possible mutant. Xavier declares that there’s no way Calvin could be a mutant because Cerebro hasn’t detected him. Just then, Calvin appears at the front door, acts very polite, apologizes for sucker-punching Hank, and asks to join the team. Hank introduces Calvin to everyone else, and he becomes the super-freak you can see on the front cover with the name, Mimic. He’s like an ape with wings and really ugly shades. He immediately turns on them and kidnaps Jean to a deserted mine shaft… with a cabin inside.

As he sits Jean down, it becomes story time. Calvin is not a mutant, he’s the by-product of a chemistry accident. He has the ability of taking on every power and ability of anyone around him. As soon as said person is not in range, he loses said power. His father panicked about his son’s new ability and brought him to the mineshaft to build a machine to give Calvin these powers permanently. However, a mob rose up against them since they sapped all the power from a nearby city. Calvin’s father tried to set of explosives to seal off the cave, but he had another accident (this guy is terrible!) and well, it was his last accident.

The Mimic has brought Jean to the mineshaft so he can use her powers to unearth the machine and finish what his father started. As the X-Men approach, the Mimic uses Cyclops powers to blast through the rubble more quickly. Lucky for him, the cave-in didn’t affect the machine at all. He fires up the machine just as the X-Men free Jean and enter the room. The Mimic laughs maniacally as the machine does its work, but then he collapses, powerless. It turns out that the machine was created to remove his mimicking abilities, not make them permanent.

Now that Calvin is just Calvin, Xavier wipes his mind of everything that happened (although it’s never specified exactly how far back he wiped) and Calvin leaves to start a new life.

Additional Commentary: Well, at least now I know where the writers of Heroes got the idea for Peter Petrelli’s powers.

And that’s all I got for now. I think the rant about Magneto from last ish has sapped all of my snarky commentary powers.

Published on April 1, 1966

Issue Summary: This issue starts off with a pretty tall promise that “it’s really gonna rock ya!” Are you ready to be rocked? I know I’m always ready for a good rocking. So here we go!

Magneto watches his balloon of X-Men disappear up into the clouds and then decides to move in to the school himself as a base for his new headquarters. He redecorates a bit and smashes Cerebro to pieces. When Warren Worthington the Third’s parents arrive, he magnetically induces them to go to sleep upstairs (someone is going to have to explain to me how that is scientifically possible) and then goes downstairs to trash Xavier’s lab. He suddenly gets an idea to use Warren’s parents to create an army of mutant slaves. He has formally disbanded the Brotherhood, and he only wants to work alone with totally obedient slaves. Since the Worthingtons produced a mutant, surely he can create the process by analyzing their DNA.

He magnetically builds a machine with parts from Xavier’s lab, magnetically creates a rectangular opening into the sleeping parents’ room, and siphons the head of the machine into the room. It hovers above their bodies (sleeping in twin beds, I must point out… so very Donna Reed of them) like a dentist’s lamp and analyzes their mutant-carrying genes. Magneto selects the mutations, pushes a few buttons, pulls a lever, and presto! An army of mutants starts to materialize in glass containers.

From within the steel gondola, Xavier creates a “counter-ego” to fight the mental blocking machine stuck on his head. When the counter-ego finally smashes it, he rouses the other X-Men. Iceman, on the other hand, is still in the hospital rapidly deteriorating. The doctor tries to administer a sulfa drug with a “laser-induced hypodermic needle,” something I hope I never personally see in medical use. The drug starts to go to work and heal the youngster, but he doesn’t have long to rest. Xavier mentally detected Magneto and the captured Worthingtons, so he contacts Iceman and orders him to go fight Magneto. Iceman willingly obeys and ice-slides himself all the way to the school.

While Iceman slides there, Xavier further probes Magneto’s mind to learn out he escaped from the Stranger’s planet. He abandoned Toad and stole one of the many spaceships the Stranger’s people have collected during their travels. So it really wasn’t such an interesting escape after all.

Back to Iceman, he sneaks in and observes what Magneto is doing. He then creates an ice barrier for the Worthingtons, preventing the machine from analyzing any more of their DNA and thereby halting the slave-making process. Magneto peeks into the room through the opening he earlier made (and wow he has a hilarious look on his face), sees Iceman, and nearly pops a blood vessel in rage. He confronts Iceman, magnetically hurls objects at him, but Iceman quickly builds a slide to hurl the objects back at Magneto. He then takes the slide as a sled and races out of the room. Magneto follows, but slips on the ice and glides down an ice tube Iceman has made, leading him outside the school and into an igloo. Iceman tries to escape the igloo, but Magneto magnetically seals it shut (I guess there’s metal in the ice he makes?).

Just as Magneto is about to throttle the life out of little Bobby, the X-Men finally make a plan to escape the balloon. Cyclops fires an optic beam at a specific point in the gondola and into the balloon to release a small amount of air for a slow descent. Marvel Girl then takes over when they start to fall too quickly and helps ease them to the ground. Once they reach a safe height, Cyclops blasts another opening into the gondola, freeing them all to charge at Magneto. Do I need to comment how convenient it was for them to land precisely on their front lawn?

While the X-Men distract a rather confused Magneto, Xavier alerts the Stranger to Magneto’s location. Magneto yelps in fear and then blasts away in his Magna-Car. But it’s not over for the X-Men yet! While most of them panic and try to shut down the machine before the first mutant-slave emerges from his glass cocoon, Iceman becomes the smart one of the group and moves the Worthingtons out of the room. The machine no longer has any DNA to analyze, so the slaves dissipate into thin air.

Additional Commentary: While it was very nice to see the young underdog actually do something useful, I couldn’t help but be distracted by all of the magnetic physics. I admit that I am no physicist — I mean, I can’t even create my own heavy gravity globe — but I have to question so many of the things Magneto was able to do. Some of these things brought back memories of ridicule from the spectators in the fabulous Mystery Science Theater 3000. He magnetically attracts the Worthingtons to go to sleep, he magnetically closes Iceman’s igloo of ice, and he magnetically suspends the Beast in the air. I get how he can suspend Wolverine in the air, as his skeleton is infused with metal, but does Beast have enough metal in his body to allow for magnetic suspension? I kind of understand how he could magnetically crush Iceman, so I won’t question that, but the rest leaves me confused.

And another thing…how was Xavier able to probe Magneto’s mind at all, much less without Magneto’s knowledge? Doesn’t Magneto’s helmet prevent telepathic invasion? Also, didn’t an earlier issue mention that Magneto had one of the most powerful minds on earth? If so, wouldn’t he know that Xavier was tinkering around in there to find out what he’s up to?

OMG I’m becoming the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.

Published on March 1, 1966

Every Friday I randomly flip open the X-Men issue or anthology I am currently reading and share a random panel from the page. The key word is random. And fun!

Thus, the irresistible force meets the immovable object…an object from whose body flows a current of such potent energy that the mighty steel roller is stopped cold, before it can strike him!

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!” - the mighty steel roller

– Uncanny X-Men #13 - “Where Walks the Juggernaut!”

The immovable object, by the way, is the Juggernaut, in case you were wondering.

Issue Summary: The National Guard is finishing off what the X-Men started with the Sentinels’ lair and packing up Iceman and Beast for a hospital visit. Xavier telepathically commands Cyclops to go with them, and Marvel Girl and Angel kindly offer the professor stranger (can’t blow his cover, right?) a ride to the hospital.

The Beast is just fine, but Iceman is not doing well. He’s delirious, mumbling, and has little brain activity.  Unfortunately, due to his icy exterior, the hospital staff is having a hard time treating him and checking his vital signs.

Angel, meanwhile, is phoning the school to check for messages. His parents called, asking to come visit. He relays this message telepathically to Xavier, and then hands him the phone after the nice stranger asks for it. Xavier calls Warren Worthington the Third’s parents and tells them that they are all on a field trip, and now is not the best time for a visit. Poppycock! When the Worthingtons want to visit someone, they’re going to do it no matter what! So Xavier sends Angel back to the school to wait for his parental units.

However, something is not right with the mansion. It has signs that someone is there, but no one seems to be present. As Angel investigates, he falls into a trap and is knocked unconscious. A shadowy figure looms nearby and says corny things like, “How easy it was to clip the Angel’s wings!”

Xavier is rather worried that he hasn’t heard a thing from Angel and can’t contact him mentally. He asks Cyclops to take him back to the mansion. Once inside, Cerebro starts screaming madly. Xavier tries to see what is the matter, but suddenly, from behind, a mechanical mental-wave distorter seizes his head and binds his arms. The machine blacks out Xavier’s brain, leaving him to slump over Cerebro. Cyclops tries to help him, but a transparent wall suddenly drops down between them. And then the mansion’s lights go out. No matter that it is daylight outside and drapes are drawn, it is pitch black inside. Cyclops tries to fight the intruder in the dark, but gets suckerpunched nicely in the side of the head.

Now Jean is worried about them. She tells Beast that Angel, Xavier, and Cyclops are all gone and haven’t sent them word at all as what is going on. After Beast quips some sexist remark, he concedes to her worries and the two break out of the hospital to go check. They are captured just as easily and put in a giant steel ball attached to a balloon. The balloon takes off, and well, I think our shadowy villain explains what will happen next best:

“You’ll orbit the edge of space — helpless — out of control — until your small supply of air gives out!! And that will be the  END of the X-Men –forever!”

Now is the perfect time for the Worthingtons to show up to see their son, but who greets them at the door? MAGNETO!

Additional Commentary: There’s further proof that I’m still twelve. At one point, Iceman’s health starts to really deteriorate and his doctor is trying to rush to his bedside when a couple of reporters stop him. One reporter addresses him by his name, Dr. John Thomas. Yes, I giggled madly.

Oh and I know I’m horrible at physics and astrophysics and all that, but I really don’t see how a balloon can take a steel ball filled with people into orbit above the Earth. Apparently I need to take Comic Physics 101 or something. Maybe then I would learn how to construct my own heavy gravity globe.

I think the last text box of this issue sums up everything perfectly. I can’t even really comment on it without saying something too obvious. Enjoy!

“The most imaginative, unexpected thriller of the season — chock-full of wonders you’ve been hoping to see — and others you never thought possible! We personally give X-Men #18 our highest recommendation — and you know how hard to please we are!! So be sure to join us next ish — what good is a classic if you can’t share it with someone you like?”

Published on February 1, 1966

Issue Summary: Professor X’s astral-self just baaaarely makes it back to his physical body. While he recovers from the Master Mold’s attack, he mentally recaps everything from the last issue for the beloved readers. While he thinks about what he can do next, the hill suddenly snaps closed, shutting him off from the X-Men inside. He shifts gears back towards the Sentinel that collapsed in the TV studio a couple of issues back. If he can uncover the reason why that robot collapsed, then maybe he can stop the rest of them. He abandons his wheelchair for reasons I cannot fathom to drag himself towards the highway. As a car drives up, he sends a telepathic message to get the drivers to stop and pick him up.

As for the X-Men, they are trapped in some elliptical glass prison, which conveniently comes with a carrying mechanism for the Sentinels to haul it around wherever they please. What in the world was Trask preparing for when he created all this? The X-Men try as they might, but they cannot break out of the prison and the heavy gravity inside makes any movement difficult. They all take self-deprecating turns in deciding who fails more. Sorry everyone, but Cyclops has all of you beat in self-loathing. The Sentinels take the X-Men to Master Mold and place the globe down in “its permanent base.”

Master Mold continues to threaten Trask to make more Sentinels. To show he means business, he points a large finger and disintegrates a machine nearby. Trask screams at himself for giving the giant robot such powers (again I ask, just what was Trask preparing for?) and agrees to create the army to prevent any innocent people from being disintegrated.

Professor X arrives back at the TV studio where cops are swarming around the fallen Sentinel. They practically beg Xavier to help them out, but then chastise him when he simply stares at it. Xavier is once again trying to probe a machine, but he learns this time that something interfered with the machine’s inner workings. He looks around the room and notices a giant crystal basking in the sun on top of a tower. That must be the cause of the interference, and now Xavier has a bright idea…

But back at the Sentinels’ fortress, Beast is about to be dumped into the elliptical prison with the others. A hole starts to open in the globe, and then the X-Men immediately seize the chance to attack. They all escape and continue to attack in full force. Even Beast wakes up to join the fray. When it looks like they have the advantage, they suddenly break from the fight to charge after Master Mold. They don’t get very far before the Sentinels blast them with a stun gun. Now they’ve definitely had enough of the X-Men, but when they make plans to kill them once and for all, they all suddenly collapse.

High overhead, a team of helicopters drag a giant crystal through the air. The crystal inteferes with all of the Sentinels’ machinery, and one by one, each robot collapses. The X-Men come to after the last one falls, and the resume their pursuit of Master Mold. Master Mold is busy giving power to Trask’s Sentinel-building-device (which begs the question of what the hell Master Mold is even there for…) while Trask continues to whimper. But in the middle of the process, Trask grows a spine and a pair and destroys the power source to both the building machine and Master Mold. The entire room is engulfed in a fiery explosion, and Trask does not escape.

But be rest assured. All of the X-Men do escape the crumbling fortress.

Additional commentary: In addition to the hilarious concept of the portable, heavy gravity inducing elliptical prison, the X-Men writing team adds a personal note to all of the readers.

Personal Note: For those of you who might want to make your own heavy gravity globe, we’ll just tip you off that the opening is formed by repelling the atomic particles within the globule’s structure! There — now the rest will be easy!

Did you hear that, Jimmy? Now you know exactly how to construct your science fair project!

And if that isn’t enough, Stan Lee offers this lovely gem of fortune cookie advice at the end: “Beware the Fanatic! Too often his cure is deadlier by are than the evil he denounces!”

I hope you all feel extra educated today.

Published on January 1, 1966

Issue Summary: Last ish, the X-Men were exploring where the Sentinels were supposed to be, but found a giant hill that opened up shooting lasers at them. We pick up at this point, with the X-Men scrambling to get to higher ground. As we all learned from Revenge of the Sith, it’s over when you have the high ground. At the top of their high ground, Iceman creates an ice disk with two ice anthill looking things. He and Beast grab an anthill apiece while Cyclops launches it in the air with his optic blasts. And for some reason, everyone is surprised that the ice disk isn’t aerodynamic. At all.

While Iceman and Beast are spiraling towards the ground, two metal tentacles whip out of the hill like a really bad hentai and drag both of them inside. Angel tries to go after them, but a flamethrower sends him in the opposite direction. The two captives are dumped into a transparent box and gassed to sleep. The Sentinels discuss their satisfaction with the capture while Dr. Trask berates their deaf ears in a corner. In fact, they’re a little tired of his ceaseless whining, so they’re going to take him to Master Mold himself so he can be forced to make more Sentinels. Nevermind the fact that they are all operating machinery just fine. For some reason the Sentinel building is either beyond their comprehension or icky.

They drag him before his giant creepiness, who looks a lot like the Sentinels but far, far larger. And he has a giant turban-like helmet on his head like he’s protecting a giant brain. Master Mold orders Trask to make more Sentinels or he will send the Sentinels out to wreak havoc on all mankind. Trask blubbers something about the X-Men stopping them all. Too bad he created the Sentinels to stop the X-Men. Trask’s first task is to administer a psychic-probe to Beast to learn more about the mutants and the X-Men. Soon, the Beast starts to babble everything. The first thing he states is that his mission as an X-Man is to protect mankind. You can practically hear Trask sob through the pages.

Meanwhile, Angel has reported the situation to the others, and by now, they have a decent plan other than the ice glider. Professor X sends out his own mental probe to the Sentinels operating the lasers and blanks their minds. The other Sentinels are confused why the gunners have suddenly collapsed, but they don’t know how to act without being told what to do. They contact their section leader and wait for him. While the rays are down, the X-Men quickly invade the underground fortress and are just as quickly spotted by a Sentinel. He is just as confused as what to do next since they are not in his programming. He beckons them to follow him while he gets new orders. The X-Men agree to, and the Sentinel leads them right past where they are holding Iceman. Angel knocks out the Sentinel while Cyclops frees him, which sets off the base-wide alarm.

The Beast is giving his own True Hollywood Story, starting from the time he was picked on as a child for looking like an ape-man and then for having crazy acrobatic abilities. As he grew up, he excelled at all athletics and academics, but he was still called a freak. A freak accident on the football field put Hank both in the papers and in front of Charles Xavier. It was then that Xavier visited him at home and recruited him for his school.

Professor X himself is monitoring the X-Men’s activities, and he is alarmed at Beast’s tell all. He psychically projects himself to Beast to try to stop him from spilling everything about the X-Men. He numbs Beast’s mind and then tries to scan the Master Mold’s mind. Master Mold can sense Xavier, and he blasts his astral being with “micro-electric blasts.” Xavier floats out as quickly as he can.

Master Mold has had enough. He wants Trask to build him an army of thousands of Sentinels to take over the planet, but Trask outright refuses. In the other room, the remaining X-Men try to battle the continuing onslaught of Sentinels.

To be continued!

Additional Commentary:  I think I know what creeps me out the most about Master Mold. I think it’s his flat, almost snake-like nose and the fact that his mouth is as wide as his entire face. His diamond-shaped eyes don’t help either. Great. Now I’m going to have nightmares tonight.

Sorry Hank, but your origin story is BORING! So that’s it? You were picked on for having the posture and appendages of a Neanderthal and then called a freak because you could do backflips in the air? And then people questioned you for having powers just because you dangled upside down the football uprights like an opossum?  They didn’t comment on your giant gorilla feet (which made you famous in the beatnik circuit, by the way) they just automatically accused you of having powers? That’s nuts, and I suppose they couldn’t think of anything else better for you. I guess that’s why they made you grow blue fur later. At least then you became interesting.

Published on December 1, 1965

Every Friday I randomly flip open the X-Men issue or anthology I am currently reading and share a random panel from the page. The key word is random. And fun!

Meantime, Magneto, Mastermind and the Toad reach the giant magnetic dynamo which only the leader of the evil mutants has the power to operate!

“So! Namor dared to challenge me, did he? Well, any mutant who isn’t my ally becomes my mortal enemy! I must make certain he can never join the accursed X-Men! He must be smashed once and for all!”

“Be careful, Mastermind! The X-Men are still at large! And we’ve lost Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch!”

– Uncanny X-Men #6: “Sub-Mariner Joins the Evil Mutants!”

First off, I think the term “smash” is a rather interesting choice of words. You don’t hear villains threatening to smash one another too often unless one of them is holding a giant boulder. Also, the typo is quite hysterical. It makes it sound like Mastermind is warning himself. And maybe he is. Maybe that whole piece of dialogue was really a piece of monologue he was muttering to himself during Magneto’s diatribe of rage.