Mar 31 2009
Uncanny X-Men Issue #2 - Nothing Can Stop the Vanisher!
Issue Summary: And we start issue 2 in a full sprint! Literally! All of the X-Men students are in full gear and racing to meet Professor X’s summons. Apparently they were all out shopping or visiting a soda shoppe. They also had their uniforms stashed in their pockets and purses. I guess they changed in a phone booth? Would Superman be okay with that? Well as you can imagine, five costumed freaks running and flying through the city can’t really get to their destination as quickly as they’d like. When they do finally arrive, Xavier shows them through mental projections their new nemesis, The Vanisher! He’s another costumed nutjob who actually convinced the police to escort him to a bank so he can rob it. As soon as he pilfers the bank’s vault, the police attempt to arrest him, but he *gasp* vanishes!
Professor X sends the X-Men into the Danger Room for additional training in how to fight against this teleporter while The Vanisher has meeting with every crime lord in the country. They all want to team up with him. One wants to so badly, he offers The Vanisher a basket of fruit. The mutant tells them that he has already alerted the Pentagon that he will steal the Army’s Continental Defense Plans. Professor X learns of these plans from a FBI agent, and he tells him that he knew this would be his next move. Seriously? I know the man is a telepath and all, but he really thought that a bank robber would go after the Army’s Continental Defense Plans?
Well, in all honesty, if I knew how well the Government guarded something so serious like the Continental Defense Plans, I’d probably go after them as well. Do they hide the plans? Put them on a plane? Nope. They stick them in a briefcase and lay it on top of a desk. The Vanisher does indeed appear and then disappear, but the X-Men are there to attempt to thwart his plans for the Plans! The battle does not go well for them at all. The Vanisher laughs at their extremely feeble actions, makes off with the Plans, and then threatens to give the Plans to the commies if the Government doesn’t give him $10 million.
Professor X has had enough of this and tells the X-Men that he will go with them to fight The Vanisher again. He simply wheels up to the ruffled mutant and takes away his mind. The Vanisher has no idea who he is, but he knows that he is tired and wants to go take a nap. Well the crime lords aren’t exactly thrilled with this turn of events. They threaten to shoot the X-Men, but then the Beast leapfrogs over them to take their weapons and kicks them Sparta-style into a hole Cyclops so cleverly made.
Commentary: Well at least now I know why this comic morphed from being called simply The X-Men to The Uncanny X-Men. Someone has called something uncanny in both issues thus far. If they said it more than once throughout, it would make a smashing drinking game.
And in case you missed my sarcasm above, I was mocking the Continental Defense Plans in more ways than how the Government operatives were protecting them. Such a name deserves to be mocked. And the map of the Plans was even funnier. It’s a giant map of the United States with arrows moving from the center of the country towards the east coast. I guess the army is saying, “Go there”?
Oh, and here is my new catch phrase: “Pure science fiction balderdash!” I think it will catch on.
Published on November 1, 1963
